My Sales Numbers Do Not Determine My Worth

Last year, I had an incredible struggle with my self-confidence.
I attribute this struggle to several different factors.

1. I published the final book in my only series in December 2012 and wasn't sure what to start next or if anyone would read it.
2. Not many people read my next YA book, which was my worst fear come true.
3. Several of my good author friends started sharing their monthly sales numbers with me in a private Facebook group. Theirs went up and up and up while mine, without new releases in my previously bestselling series, went down and down and down. I tried my best to focus on being happy for them and not comparing my low sales to their high sales, but it was extremely difficult for me.
4. An author I considered a good friend stabbed me in the back and belittled me in ways you can't imagine. All because of my numbers compared to hers.

This was a recipe for disaster. I became semi-obsessed with comparing myself and my sales to other authors. I was in a downward confidence spiral, which believe me, was not doing me any favors in the production department. The more I compared myself to others, the less I focused on writing what I loved. The less I enjoyed writing, period.

I let my dwindling sales numbers determine my worth as a person and as a writer. I had over 40,000 sales last year, and I felt like a failure. Why? Because I had friends who were selling so much more than that. I let those comparisons of sales numbers warp my reality.

Looking back now, I'm so angry with myself! Just think what I could have accomplished if I hadn't been so hard on myself!!! What if I had just realized the truth?

It is so easy to compare ourselves to other writers and let those comparisons determine our own value as a writer. And sadly, this goes both ways. I've seen authors practically traumatized by low sales. At the same time, I've also seen authors with amazing sales treat others as if they were worthless peons simply because their sales weren't as high. Neither of these attitudes are good or healthy.

High sales do not make you a better person or a better author. Low sales do not make you worthless or a failure.Your books are the same quality regardless of how many you've sold. Selling a million copies of a book does not suddenly make it a better book than it was when it had only sold five copies. It's the same book. The only thing that's changed is how many people have now come to appreciate it for what it always was.

A book that hasn't sold well is not a 'failure'. An author who has not yet found their audience or their voice is not worthless. We all have books we loved--books that changed our lives--that never really found popularity with the masses. At the same time, we've all picked up huge bestsellers and gone, "Why does everyone love this?" There are a lot of factors involved in selling books. It's not just about quality.

Stop judging yourself and others based on sales alone!

Here's something important to keep in mind when you find yourself stuck in the trap of comparison. There is no time limit on success. Not for you. Not for any of your books. Unlike days of old, no one is going to pull your books off the shelf if they haven't done well in the first few months. No one is going to tell you that your contract isn't renewed and you can't continue your series. (Or if they do, you have other options now that weren't there five years ago!)

Success has no expiration date! I have seen series with three books go from almost zero sales in the past year to suddenly having tens of thousands of sales right after book four came out. You never know what might tip that scale in your favor and make your series take off. You never know what that next book might do for you. As long as you are writing what you love and finding joy in the act of creation, the rewards can be limitless. Instead of telling yourself you are a failure because your first few books didn't perform the way you'd hoped, try believing in yourself and pressing onward. Try having faith that dreams can come true if you just persist and don't give up.

In order to break free of my self-confidence issues, I had to realize that this is MY journey. What someone else has or has not accomplished has nothing to do with me. I am not any better or worse than anyone else. We all have value. We are all capable of making our dreams come true. It's an individual journey, but that doesn't mean we should separate ourselves by constantly comparing and judging those around us. We may have different paths and different ultimate goals, but we're all in this together.

No, I have never hit the New York Times Bestseller List. I have never had a book launch into the Top 100 on Amazon. I have never won an award or sold 10,000 books in a month. But I can tell you that I am proud of every single book I have ever written. I am grateful for every single person who has ever downloaded one of my books. I am achieving my personal goals, one slow step at a time. I am living my dream.

What anyone else does on their journey has no effect on mine, and if someone's attitude or actions make me feel bad about myself, then maybe I don't need that person in my life. Once I learned to cut away the bitterness and cut out the negativity, the only thing left was the joy of writing. The satisfaction of the journey. The moment I started basing my view of success on someone else's journey, the moment I lost my joy. I won't ever let that happen to me again.

Success is a very personal thing. It's something only you can truly judge, because it's all about your own personal goals. What do YOU want out of this career? Not what does someone else think you should want. Realizing that truth has been one of the most freeing, joyful experiences of my career.

I have had people at conferences and in private groups treat me according to what they thought of my sales numbers. "Oh, you've sold over 100,000 books? You must be a great writer! We should be friends." Or, "you've only sold 100,000 books? I've sold a million, so you must not be as great as I am! Your opinion no longer matters to me." It sucks to be treated that way. I'm just me, regardless of my sales numbers. I am more than a number could ever portray.

And so are you.

Regardless of whether your lifetime sales sit at one hundred or one million, you have value as both a person and as an author. Your books have value because you poured your heart into them.

Don't let anyone take that away from you.

If you ever find yourself comparing your own sales numbers or milestones to that of someone else, I encourage you to stop right there and really think about what it is you want. What would you think of yourself right now if that person didn't exist or if you didn't know about what they had accomplished? Take a step back from negative thoughts and remember that you are special. You are accomplishing your dreams. Let those other authors worry about their own success. Cheer them on, take inspiration from those that inspire you, but don't let their journey affect yours.

Trust me when I say this is one of the best gifts you can give yourself as an author.

My Path To Publication Does Not Define Me

In the years since I became a writer, I have heard many labels thrown around. Writer. Author. Small-Press Author. Big Six Author. Romance Writer. Bestseller. "Real" Author. Indie Author. Hybrid Author. I could go on, but I think you get the point.

We can become obsessed sometimes, constantly searching for that one label that defines who we are. Am I good enough? How can I tell? I know! I'll check which label people have affixed to me and see if it measures up to some arbitrary ideal.

When I first started writing, I was just an aspiring author. I hadn't actually authored anything beyond a few terrible poems and many, many angsty journal pages. But I got better. I studied craft and learned how to tell a story and write characters people cared about. I wrote a novel. I got a request and a rejection from a Harlequin editor and suddenly RWA slapped the label of PRO onto my forehead. You are not just aspiring! You are an author! (However, you are not yet good enough to be labeled a "published author". Keep trying.)

For those first years of my newbie writer life, I defined myself by those labels, hungering to someday be a "real" author or a "published" author. I was one of the ones who believed that in order to get that label, you had to be chosen by an agent and editor and your book had to grace the shelves of real bookstores like Barnes & Noble. Well, I believed it until I started opening my eyes to the possibility of something more. Something different. I started watching this author named Amanda Hocking rise up in the Kindle store with her 99 cent YA books. What? How was this happening?

Like many of you, I started reading Joe Konrath's blog. I started doing Google searches, looking for anyone out there who might be willing to share sales numbers and income. Was self-publishing something people could really find success doing? Whoa! Back in the old days of 2010 (ha!), this was mind-blowing. There was a part of me that wanted to jump in with both feet and give it a shot. I had only ever pitched my books to one editor and one agent, but they both told me I was amazing and then rejected me. I didn't like the way that made me feel, and I didn't like the idea of someone else deciding whether readers would ever get the chance to discover my stories.

But there was also a part of me that was afraid. If I self-published, I knew that meant giving up the possibility of some of those coveted labels. Published Author. NYT Bestseller. I would be Indie. Or self-published. I would be less-than. At least that's what people thought back then. (It still amazes me any time someone stills holds those beliefs today, after all we've seen.)

Still, I was able to do some soul-searching and realize that those labels didn't matter to me nearly as much as getting my stories out there. I wanted to be a writer!!! I didn't care what other labels anyone would slap on top of that. I just wanted to write for a living. I wanted to write my stories, my way.

So I jumped. I threw my whole self into publishing and it was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Screw labels. People were buying my books. Call me whatever you want. In my heart, I knew I was a writer. Becoming an Indie was a choice I made, not a concession. It was a victory, not a defeat.

Over the past three or four years, great strides have been made in recognizing Indie authors as "real" writers. We are not aspiring. We are not less-than. We are just writers. It's time to pull down the fence between Traditional and Indie and realize that we are all equals here. Yes, there are major differences in the two paths. Yes, many believe one way is better than the other and those debates will continue. Those debates are healthy and good. But we also need to realize that one path does not make one set of writers any more REAL than the other.

A writer's path to publication no longer determines the quality of that publication. There is quality in abundance these days, regardless of label. We are all capable of getting our stories into the hands of readers. The very act of creating is what makes us writers.

The path we choose should not define us. The labels society has placed on us for years should not be our validation.

We are writers. Let's stop pretending these labels matter the way they used to, and instead, let's start lifting each other up. There's room for us all to succeed in this new world. I believe that with all of my heart, and that's why I am starting this blog. This is my new space to share what's in my heart and to lift up and encourage all those who are passionate about writing.

I hope you'll join me as I discuss why we should all BELIEVE in ourselves, work to INSPIRE each other, and RESPECT all authors, regardless of their path to publication.