What's Your Definition of Success?

There is a lot of noise out there. When it comes to self-publishing, the noise can often be deafening. Opinions are a dime a dozen, and it gets harder and harder to distinguish good advice from terrible advice. In a profession where self-doubt is part of the package for most of us, how do you know who to listen to? Who is right? How do you know if your own instincts are the right ones?

If you're a writer who is plugged in--by which I mean a member of private Facebook groups for authors, paying attention to Twitter, friends with other authors who are active on social media, etc--you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. For me, it looks like this:

• I come up with a great plan for my work that seems solid and stays true to my ideal of always writing what I love.
• I hear someone say something that goes against my plan. (e.g. "You're stupid if you don't take advantage of preorders" or "No one is buying New Adult paranormal and the next big thing is definitely going to be New Adult suspense and thrillers.")
• I begin to doubt my plan, which paralyzes me. I start eating a lot of doughnuts and have a hard time getting back into my work-in-progress.
• I waste two weeks paying way too much attention to what other people are saying and getting almost nothing done on my own book/plan.
• I eventually wake up to the fact that I need to trust myself and write what I love. I come up with a plan that works for me, and I get back to work. 

This is a vicious cycle. It not only drains my creativity, but it fills me with constant self-doubt, worry, and panic. All of which are totally, 100 percent unnecessary. In the meantime, I have wasted what could have been joyful, productive days, because I've been worrying whether I'm doing the right thing or on the right path to success.

Lately, I've been working to take a few steps back and ask myself WHOSE SUCCESS AM I REACHING FOR?

The idea of "success" as an indie author has changed drastically since I first began self-publishing. Back in the "old days" of 2010, I remember Joe Konrath posting a list of authors who had managed to sell 1,000 books in a single month. Back then, the list was small and if you were on it, you were considered a huge success. A short while later, he changed the terms to authors who had sold 1,000 copies of a single title in a month.

Now, we have indies who consider 1,000 copies sold a day a disappointment. How crazy is that? In just 4 short years, we have seen a massive explosion of the market. Opportunity abounds, but what defines success has only gotten more competitive. Those authors who are selling 1,000 books a month are considered small potatoes these days, right? It may feel like an enormous personal success to sell at that rate, but no one is listing your name on their blog or pointing to you as a success story.

Some of you may shrug and say, "Who cares?" But the truth is, most of us do care. On some level, it's only natural to want to be considered a success. It's only natural to desire recognition for our accomplishments.

I have been realizing more and more these days that if I want to find joy in this career, I need to stop letting everyone else define the term "success" for me. Just because a friend hit the NYT Bestseller list and makes $100,000 a month in her writing does not mean I am a failure for not achieving those things. Defining my success solely in comparison to the success of others is a very dangerous, toxic practice.

If I spend my days constantly trying to achieve the world's definition of success, I have a feeling I'm going to be chasing an impossible dream for the rest of my life. And you know what else? I'm going to start changing my own plans, distorting my own dreams, and going against my own beliefs to achieve something I'm not sure I cared about in the first place.

What do I mean by that? Here's an example. If my passion is to write NA Paranormal with themes that are close to my heart (love, strength, destiny), but people keep telling me that in order to hit the NYT Bestseller List, I really should be writing sexy NA paranormals with BBW and werewolves, I might actually listen to those people and start writing what they say I should be writing. Instead of following my own heart and writing the stories that speak to me--the stories that bring me joy--I might start writing to the market, chasing a list or a specific payday just so people will say I'm a success.

That's not what I want out of life. I don't want to regurgitate someone else's stories or write books I'm not passionate about so that I can have a chance at hitting a list or making more money. I got into this business so that I could write the stories of my heart. Success to me is defined by writing what I love and keeping a roof over my head while I do it. Do I want to make more money? Of course. Do I want more recognition? Yes, of course I do. But not at the expense of writing stories I can be proud of.

That's what success is to me. Making a living writing stories I'm passionate about. Changing people's lives and touching readers with the characters I create. Those are the things that are most important to me.

Success might mean something completely different to you. The money may be the most important thing to some writers, and that's okay. Hitting a major bestseller list might be the be-all, end-all dream of some authors. Writing full time and getting out of a job you hate might be the definition of success for some of you, no matter what genre you're writing or how you get there.

The point I'm trying to make is that success should be a very personal thing. Don't let someone else define what success means to you. Dig deep and spend some time really thinking about what it is YOU want out of writing. And once you figure it out, go toward that dream with everything you have. Don't ever let someone else's definition of success derail your journey.

There are some who look at me and think I'm nothing. I've never hit the USA Today or NYT Bestsellers list. I have never hit the Amazon Top 100 with a new release. I don't even have 5,000 fans on Facebook. According to their definition of success, I'm nowhere close.

But almost every single day, I receive some kind of message or email from a fan saying that my books touched their hearts. My characters resonated with them in some way that taught them something or made them realize something about themselves. I've sold a quarter of a million ebooks in four years, and I've touched thousands of people's lives. That matters to me. Even if I never hit a major list or make millions of dollars, as long as I can keep writing stories that are true to my own vision and that touch people's lives, I will always be a success.

As we near the end of 2014, my goal is to remember that on a daily basis. I want to learn to listen to the noise in such a way that I can learn from the helpful advice that lines up with my personal goals and my personal definition of success. And I want to learn to dismiss the rest of it. Anything that doesn't line up with my own definition of success should be tossed out and forgotten. I don't want to ever let those kinds of things derail my confidence or my happiness.

What is your definition of success? Has it changed since you first started publishing? I'd love to hear more about your goals, but also your struggles when it comes to your personal definition of success.

My Sales Numbers Do Not Determine My Worth

Last year, I had an incredible struggle with my self-confidence.
I attribute this struggle to several different factors.

1. I published the final book in my only series in December 2012 and wasn't sure what to start next or if anyone would read it.
2. Not many people read my next YA book, which was my worst fear come true.
3. Several of my good author friends started sharing their monthly sales numbers with me in a private Facebook group. Theirs went up and up and up while mine, without new releases in my previously bestselling series, went down and down and down. I tried my best to focus on being happy for them and not comparing my low sales to their high sales, but it was extremely difficult for me.
4. An author I considered a good friend stabbed me in the back and belittled me in ways you can't imagine. All because of my numbers compared to hers.

This was a recipe for disaster. I became semi-obsessed with comparing myself and my sales to other authors. I was in a downward confidence spiral, which believe me, was not doing me any favors in the production department. The more I compared myself to others, the less I focused on writing what I loved. The less I enjoyed writing, period.

I let my dwindling sales numbers determine my worth as a person and as a writer. I had over 40,000 sales last year, and I felt like a failure. Why? Because I had friends who were selling so much more than that. I let those comparisons of sales numbers warp my reality.

Looking back now, I'm so angry with myself! Just think what I could have accomplished if I hadn't been so hard on myself!!! What if I had just realized the truth?

It is so easy to compare ourselves to other writers and let those comparisons determine our own value as a writer. And sadly, this goes both ways. I've seen authors practically traumatized by low sales. At the same time, I've also seen authors with amazing sales treat others as if they were worthless peons simply because their sales weren't as high. Neither of these attitudes are good or healthy.

High sales do not make you a better person or a better author. Low sales do not make you worthless or a failure.Your books are the same quality regardless of how many you've sold. Selling a million copies of a book does not suddenly make it a better book than it was when it had only sold five copies. It's the same book. The only thing that's changed is how many people have now come to appreciate it for what it always was.

A book that hasn't sold well is not a 'failure'. An author who has not yet found their audience or their voice is not worthless. We all have books we loved--books that changed our lives--that never really found popularity with the masses. At the same time, we've all picked up huge bestsellers and gone, "Why does everyone love this?" There are a lot of factors involved in selling books. It's not just about quality.

Stop judging yourself and others based on sales alone!

Here's something important to keep in mind when you find yourself stuck in the trap of comparison. There is no time limit on success. Not for you. Not for any of your books. Unlike days of old, no one is going to pull your books off the shelf if they haven't done well in the first few months. No one is going to tell you that your contract isn't renewed and you can't continue your series. (Or if they do, you have other options now that weren't there five years ago!)

Success has no expiration date! I have seen series with three books go from almost zero sales in the past year to suddenly having tens of thousands of sales right after book four came out. You never know what might tip that scale in your favor and make your series take off. You never know what that next book might do for you. As long as you are writing what you love and finding joy in the act of creation, the rewards can be limitless. Instead of telling yourself you are a failure because your first few books didn't perform the way you'd hoped, try believing in yourself and pressing onward. Try having faith that dreams can come true if you just persist and don't give up.

In order to break free of my self-confidence issues, I had to realize that this is MY journey. What someone else has or has not accomplished has nothing to do with me. I am not any better or worse than anyone else. We all have value. We are all capable of making our dreams come true. It's an individual journey, but that doesn't mean we should separate ourselves by constantly comparing and judging those around us. We may have different paths and different ultimate goals, but we're all in this together.

No, I have never hit the New York Times Bestseller List. I have never had a book launch into the Top 100 on Amazon. I have never won an award or sold 10,000 books in a month. But I can tell you that I am proud of every single book I have ever written. I am grateful for every single person who has ever downloaded one of my books. I am achieving my personal goals, one slow step at a time. I am living my dream.

What anyone else does on their journey has no effect on mine, and if someone's attitude or actions make me feel bad about myself, then maybe I don't need that person in my life. Once I learned to cut away the bitterness and cut out the negativity, the only thing left was the joy of writing. The satisfaction of the journey. The moment I started basing my view of success on someone else's journey, the moment I lost my joy. I won't ever let that happen to me again.

Success is a very personal thing. It's something only you can truly judge, because it's all about your own personal goals. What do YOU want out of this career? Not what does someone else think you should want. Realizing that truth has been one of the most freeing, joyful experiences of my career.

I have had people at conferences and in private groups treat me according to what they thought of my sales numbers. "Oh, you've sold over 100,000 books? You must be a great writer! We should be friends." Or, "you've only sold 100,000 books? I've sold a million, so you must not be as great as I am! Your opinion no longer matters to me." It sucks to be treated that way. I'm just me, regardless of my sales numbers. I am more than a number could ever portray.

And so are you.

Regardless of whether your lifetime sales sit at one hundred or one million, you have value as both a person and as an author. Your books have value because you poured your heart into them.

Don't let anyone take that away from you.

If you ever find yourself comparing your own sales numbers or milestones to that of someone else, I encourage you to stop right there and really think about what it is you want. What would you think of yourself right now if that person didn't exist or if you didn't know about what they had accomplished? Take a step back from negative thoughts and remember that you are special. You are accomplishing your dreams. Let those other authors worry about their own success. Cheer them on, take inspiration from those that inspire you, but don't let their journey affect yours.

Trust me when I say this is one of the best gifts you can give yourself as an author.